A True Love Story: The Covingtons

We went to Galveston with the fam for Thanksgiving this year and it reminded me of how Cov and I got together...

My husband, Cov and I have known each other for years. We went to high school together.  When we tell strangers or new friends they all say, "Ahhh, that is so sweet!!!"  It was anything but sweet. I can't have "sweet" ruining my hard core image. Here is our unsweetened story.

We met in High School. "Ahhhhh!!!" Shut it. We ran in the same circle. I had a massive crush on him for a while but he was ALWAYS dating someone else. He was a serial dater- was until the we started dating. Shit, maybe he still is.

However, we managed to be "friends with benefits" from about 1997- 2007. On and off, of course. We lived in different cities, went to different schools, were in relationships, started our careers, etc. Some how through all of that we always found a (drunken) way to each other*. Consistency people, consistency. (*I remain my innocence of not knowing he was ever in a relationship at the time. times. multiple times.)

Then it was October of 2007 and we had driven down to Galveston, TX together for a friend's wedding. We got into town late and were waiting for our friends to wrap it up at an event. We did what anyone would do...drink.  We were sitting on the beach with a case of beer and a bottle of cheap tequila when I said "Why haven't we ever actually tried to date?"  (We had never dated or tried to date in the ten plus years of our history.) And to this day, Cov said the only sweet thing he has ever said "Cause we are afraid it might work."  Vomm.

We laughed it off, met up with our friends and told them our new plan to try dating. Everyone shrugged it off, I mean, it was Shelby & Cov. It made no sense and so much sense all at the same time.

So, we tried. It worked. 6 years later we are still together.

Damn you, cheap tequila.

9 Things you may not WANT to know about me: Mom Edition

Oh Facebook, you are at it again with your amazing memes. I will play this game. However, here is a list of things you may not WANT to know about me- Mom Edition.

1. I hate to hear my baby cry not because I am so sad for her but because crying is annoying.

2. I hate to hear my 3 yr old whine not because I am sad for her but because whining is even more fucking annoying than crying.

3. I carry hemorrhoid cream with me at all times.

4. Sometimes I give my kids Chicken Nuggets.

5. Every time I give my kids Chicken Nuggets I give myself some too.

6. I take pride in the fact that my 3 year old calls people "Shorty" and uses 'syke' appropriately.

7.  When we play Beauty Salon I have an alter ego named Charlene. And I think it is an Oscar worthy performance.

8. My youngest was 13 months old before I had a printed picture of her.

9. This list was going to be longer but my 'roids are acting up.

Soul mates, Schmoul mates.

"All because two people fell in love..."

"Our hearts beat as one"

"We were destined to be together"

"You complete me."

Soul mates...one person is destined to be with one other specific person for the rest of their lives and only that specific person would suffice.

Sha-fucking-right. Soul mates, Schmoul mates.  (If you haven't figured it out, Cov and I's relationship is riddled with romance) It is so annoying to me when people say this shit. It's probably mostly annoying because it causes a gag reflex and I end up with a tiny bit of throw-up in my mouth. And I hate throw-up.

But, I mean, really...to think that my one and only destined soul mate out of all the people in the entire universe happened to live in America? And, he happened to live in Texas? Wow, he happened to live in the Dallas Area? Shiiiiza, he also happened to live in the same Suburb I did?!? SAY WHAT, he happened to go to the same High School as me?!??! And wait for it, wait for....he happened to run with the same group of friends I did???!?!?

Wowza, the soul mate factory must know I'm lazy.

Or maybe, just maybe.. we were two grown ass adults who made the same decision at the same time to get married? Good decision, bad decision? Verdict's still out. But, shit, if it was a bad decision at least we can make a different one later.

Shelby Mendoza? Maybe I'll be craving a little Spanish flair in 10 years?  Shelby Goldstein? I've always loved the Jewish traditions.  Or maybe, I'll remain Shelby Covington for the rest of my life. Either through hard work at keeping our marriage alive & well or because I'm too lazy to change it for my second marriage.

Life Before Kids

My favorite parenting question is: "Ohhhhh, do you even remember life before kids?"

Yes.

Fuck yes.

Very fondly.

Who are these people kidding? They are going to sit there and tell me that they don't remember the days when they talked to their partner about something other than whether the baby shit today or not?  And speaking of shit, they can't remember when they use to be able to take a shit alone? That they can't remember sleeping in and eating lunch in bed? They can't remember a random mid-afternoon make-out session on a lazy Sunday? Or when they actually got to go out and eat sushi and not just talk about eating sushi?

After 3 1/2 years of pondering this stupid question I have come to the conclusion that these people- the "I don't remember life before kids" people never a had a life to begin with and that is why they can't remember it. I, for one, had a life. A great one. I remember going over to my girlfriend's house weekly and drinking the BIG bottles of wine. I remember meeting our friends for happy hour. I remember not having to run to the grocery store at night because we are out of milk. I remember shopping all day Saturday. I remember being able to work late with no guilt.  And, I remember when my stomach didn't look like a feral cat boxing match happened on it. Oh, I remember...

I love my kids and my new life. With that said, having kids didn't cause brain damage resulting in a memory lapse of my kid-free life. Get real, people. Life can be good then and now....as long as there are still BIG bottles of wine to be had.

First Blog Post....

I mean, I sit here and I am contemplating what my first real blog should be, on this new journey that I feel like I should take.

Should it be a brief bio about me? Sounds like a turn off. Should it be why I am doing this? I have no fucking idea. Should it be the best parenting story I’ve ever had? Can’t think of ANY right now. Should it be about how much I love my kids? Well, I don’t right this second. Should it be about how my story will enhance your daily life? Doubtful.

I don’t know where to start. So, I will start with my favorite knock, knock joke.

"What do you call a line of rabbits walking backwards?"

'A Receding Hare line.”

It’s my go-to. Don’t judge me for it. If it makes you feel any better, I think the world punished me for this being my go-to joke for so many years. My husband is bald. Very, very bald. 

I’ll be around sharing my story, my jokes and fodder about my life, kids, marriage and drinking. Ranting and raving, all while being too honest and cussing a fucking lot. If it sounds like fun, please join me. 

Feel free to follow me on Twitter or like my facebook

The biggest motherfodder of them all.

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